Animal
by Loony-1995
Summary: Ron has another side, one he tries to hide. But it's taking over and soon he'll do something he might regret. But who can he tell? They'd all hate him. But the pain is getting too much to bare by himself. Song fic: Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace


Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace.

* * *

><p><em>I can't escape this hell<br>So many times I've tried  
>But I'm still caged inside<br>Somebody get me through this nightmare  
>I can't control myself<em>

He'd had it a while now. It had just been there, beneath the skin, inside his heart. It waited there but it hurt, it hurt so much. He wanted to scratch himself until he bled and sometimes, in the dead of night, he would, but of course where no one could see. Tops of legs, tops of arms, it didn't matter, part of him felt better. Whether it was the pain, the act itself or the bleeding that settled something inside him, he didn't care.

He felt like saying something to someone. No matter who or how little he said, he knew he should, but he just could not bring himself to tell anyone.

They'd just run away and hide. No one would ever speak to him again

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me_  
><em>No one will ever change this animal I have become<em>  
><em>Help me believe it's not the real me<em>  
><em>Somebody help me tame this animal!<em>  
><em>This animal, this animal<em>

And then it would get worse.

He'd realise that it wasn't the pain that made him feel better, it wasn't the act itself that made him feel better but it was the blood that made him feel better.

The smell of the warm liquid, he just wanted to taste it, savour it.

But it couldn't. It just wasn't right.

This was not him anymore.  
>This was not Ronald Bilius Weasley anymore.<br>This was a monster.  
>This was a wolf.<p>

It was uncontrollable. He couldn't hold this side back. It would get worse as it went but he was careful to hide all signs. He couldn't have Hermione spotting even one sign; she'd know; she'd worry and everything would be all over.

But he needed to get this under control. Otherwise he'd hurt himself, he'd kill himself or, even worse, he'd hurt _someone_, he'd kill _someone. _And the last would not be pretty, at all.

This blood lust was primeval. This blood lust was instinct. He'd been turned into an instinctive animal, he wanted warm blood and luscious meat and he would do _anything _to get hold of it. He wanted it fresh and he wanted to kill.  
><em><br>I can't escape myself  
>So many times I've lied<br>But there's still rage inside  
>Somebody get me through this nightmare<br>I can't control myself_

After the beautiful, freeing moon, he'd feel calmer, like everything was alright again. He'd be tired and weary but he would be calm for once.

He would make excuses on those nights, he had to be somewhere else, he had been with other people, he'd been in detention but sometimes They wouldn't notice him gone at all; for once, he didn't care, this was good, they forget when he was there and when he wasn't. He could pretend he had been there when he hadn't. The lying soon became normal, it became every day.

Even through the calm and the relaxation days, he'd have something underlying. Something was always there making him feel angry and tired of all these stupid little people, these stupid little wizards. They weren't worthy of him. Only those like him were. Only those wolves.

Then the pain would begin again.

It was an endless cycle and always that animal rage would lie in wait.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me_  
><em>No one will ever change this animal I have become<em>  
><em>Help me believe it's not the real me<em>  
><em>Somebody help me tame this animal I have become<em>

Then _it_ happened.

They just wouldn't leave him alone. They made him stay, he could feel the rage rising. He wanted to get away; he needed to be in the fresh, outside air. It was far too stuffy in here for him. The heat grabbed a hold of his body, of his mind; it twisted around him and squeezed roughly, harshly, choking the life from him.

He hit Harry.

It was Harry's fault.

They'd been at the top of the Great hall. Their shouts attracted attention. Everyone's eyes were on them.

It was Harry's fault.

Ron had only hit him lightly, but a light punch of him was a huge one for the weak wizard. He smashed down metres away, bleeding rather heavily from his nose.

Ron snarled and walked towards Harry, watching his prey beadily.

He gave a harsh laugh as he thundered his foot down onto the weakling's stomach. It cried out. But Ron just smiled, the animal taking over. He hadn't had fresh meat, fresh blood in weeks and the last time it had been some deer; common animal blood was nowhere near as refreshing and tasty as human blood. Female blood was better than male blood but why be fussy? He was a Weasley and they ate what they could get.

As he picked Harry up, like a feather, and held him against the wall, the boy's feet lifting high above the floor.

Ron could smell the blood, he could almost taste it.

_Help me believe it's not the real me  
>Somebody help me tame this animal<em>

A curse hit him from behind; he fell to his knees, dropping Harry.

It wasn't Harry's fault.  
>It was Ron's fault.<p>

He'd shaken his head, the spell waking him from his animalistic trance. He'd turned to face the staring benches, with fear and tears in his eyes; he looked at Harry and then ran.

This wasn't him anymore.

Ronald Weasley would have never hit Harry, he would have never gone to eat his best friend for dinner but this Ronald wanted too.

_Somebody help me through this nightmare_  
><em>I can't control myself<em>  
><em>Somebody wake me from this nightmare<em>  
><em>I can't escape this hell<em>

He'd run.

Just ran.

He had to get away, they would know. They would want him out and away and he would go before he was shoved. No one would want him.

He'd run to the lake, it was cool there, calm there. He wanted to be like that lake. He wanted to feel cool, feel calm. He'd just dived in.

He immediately felt his body cool and become calm; the freezing cold water was warm to his wolf-heated body. He'd mechanically swam, he didn't change his pace or his style. He didn't think about his direction but it soon turned into a large circle. It was monotonous but he didn't care, that was what he'd wanted.

A girl had called out, he'd growled.

She'd begun talking, it was nonsense really but it wasn't about him, it wasn't about anything troubling and she soon became gentle background noise. Her dirty blonde hair sparkled with the moonlight, but he didn't want her, he didn't want her meat, he didn't want her blood.

He got out and broke down.

She listened and smiled at him.

She didn't care.

Why should she?

She told him his dreadful dream would end, if only he could learn that there was people who cared, someone would save him.

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me_  
><em>No one will ever change this animal I have become<em>  
><em>Help me believe it's not the real me<em>  
><em>Somebody help me tame this animal I have become<em>

Everyone saw. Everyone knew.

But they didn't care. Some did but none were brave enough to say so. Hermione stood by him and Harry wasn't going anywhere. They saw the darkness but they saw the light.

Slowly, but surely, they were able to calm him. He couldn't take the potion, it just didn't work – he'd tried it before. But slowly, they would and could calm him. The scratching urge left him. He didn't want to attack students anymore. He didn't want to eat Harry anymore. Not with them by his side. Not now he knew that they didn't care about his other side.

The hatred left.  
>The lust left.<br>The calm returned.  
>Life returned.<p>

_Help me believe it's not the real me_  
><em>Somebody help me tame this animal!<em>  
><em>This animal I have become<em>

Ron was no longer that monster.  
>Ron was no longer that wolf.<p>

Ron was a wolf but he knew that that was fine and that was him.

He was an animal but a beautiful, tamed one.


End file.
